


Unsaid

by kjonginexo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cute Jongin, Cute Sehun, Feelings!, M/M, Pining, SEKAI IS END GAME, Slow Burn, So much angst, Some Fluff, baekyeol is side end game, i luv my babies, kaibaek is for the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 11:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12770346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjonginexo/pseuds/kjonginexo
Summary: so since I'm bad at descriptions, I'll just give a little summary. Sehun's ex and first love is dating his best friend, Sehun still loves his ex, he doesn't have to say it vocally but he knows it can go unsaid.





	Unsaid

  _“Sehun, you keep running away from me and maybe it’s because you don’t want me, maybe you don’t love me how I love you.”_  
  
   The words jolted Sehun out of bed just a few seconds before his blaring too loud alarm sounded off into the room. His hand slammed onto his nightstand, ignoring the dulling pain into his palm as his fingers searched lazily for the iPhone. He rubbed his eyes after silencing the blaring ringing, eyes blinking open slowly to the white ceiling with the brown ceiling fan spinning in the air above circulating cool air around him. His neck was flushed and hot, he felt his sheets sticking to it meaning a sheen of sweat accumulated from his recurring nightmare of three years now. His head turned to the side to see a made bed, every morning for three years it’s the same sight and he doesn’t know why he expects it to be anything else.  
  
His bare feet touched the dark wooden floors, hissing in disapproval at the cool touch to his rather warm soles as he padded his way out of his bedroom and into the silent apartment that smelled like clean linen and cinnamon spice. Pushing open the bathroom door, he turned on the light to really soak in his appearance. Black thick hair askew, narrow eyes sleep swollen, cheekbones high and prominent, thick eyebrows ungroomed, thin pink lips dry and in desperate need of TLC. His fingers ran through the hair, grooming it out until he could find his comb before brushing his teeth in the neatest way possible to avoid staining his porcelain sink or white shirt with blue toothpaste.  
  
Walking back into the bedroom, straight over to the closet where he picked out a random button down shirt and correlating black slacks to match, a usual work outfit for him. Fingers clumsily buttoned the shirt, walking himself to a mirror to fully investigate his actions seeing he left one button riding up higher than it’s designated spot having him to redo the process. Sehun was a little lazy in the morning but perhaps something else was keeping him on edge. Possibly, it had something to do with meeting his best friends boyfriend, or maybe it was the conference call with Japan today about the prototype his company is producing, or maybe it was because his other best friend had a serious interview today to be considered for a promotion.  
  
Whatever the cause, it left his hands shaky, stomach churning, and he felt like it had something to do with his best friends boyfriend. A single bitter person is defined as Sehun, he is against couples and is strongly not a fan of anything relating to them. Although, he used to not be that way, he used to be deep in love to the point of a strong consideration of marriage even. Kim Jongin, a bronze Adonis with black hair, a laugh that seemed to ooze stars, and walking breathing perfection. Sehun found love in his ex and since their breakup, he hasn’t found it again and absolutely detests everything there is about love. Everything about love is bitter, uncalled for, unneeded, and that theory stands that he isn’t good at love because he is why Jongin left.  
  
He promised his best friend, Byun Baekhyun, he wouldn’t be a grossly bitter single person at this dinner. Baekhyun deserved as much since Baekhyun finding anyone to date was a once in a lifetime chance. Alas, Sehun felt his bitterness already rising as he could hear Baekhyun’s voice calling his unknown boyfriend to clarify the dinner plans, making him think about when Jongin would call him to remind him of their own dinner dates or double dates with friends. Relatively though, Sehun took a deep breath, silenced his thoughts, and decided to take a new leaf today. A new leaf for better change and to not be a bitter single person. He thought maybe that new leaf would be better.

  
        Morning traffic gave Sehun enough time to watch people in their cars, stare at their vehicles and simply wonder about their life. Ford Mustang’s sat at the red light, he figured the people in the vehicles were people who liked sports cars, classics, not needing anything fancy since the title alone was good. Mini vans, totally soccer moms who probably had a mess in their two rows of back seats that were filled with papers, cleats, and scattered pencils or markers on the floor with maybe some residue juice boxes in drink holders. SUV’s with TV screens are families that have obnoxious kids needing something to distract them for any car ride. Economy cars like Sehun, the working class who just need to get around.  
  
At this point his routine was mundane, get ready in the mornings, sit in traffic, show up for work, lunch, work, home, dinner, rest. The traffic part of his day was the longest in his mind, longest in the sense that his will was entirely at the control of other people and he felt stuck. Yes, a control freak is a term Sehun is well adjusted to but he knows it’s the truth because in reality he does like to have control. A flaw he overlooks most times even though he knew it was the downfall of one too many things.  
  
Walking into his usual cubicle wasn’t anything special, but today he saw a coffee on his desk and Baekhyun with his hair dyed a light chestnut brown in his black leather chair, rectangular coy smile on his face. “Hey asshole, you’re almost late.” Sehun rolled his eyes, taking the coffee, waiting for Baekhyun to move out of the black leather seat. “Yeah yeah, whatever. Traffic was a bust. So, tell me this boyfriend’s name you’re so intent on me meeting but refuse for me to know the name of.” Baekhyun’s cheeks colored brilliantly, shaking his head as he bit his bottom lip shyly, Sehun felt envious for that exact look was how he once looked when anyone mentioned his ex. “I get superstitious, you know? He doesn’t know your name either though, to even out the playing grounds.” Sehun rolled his eyes again, sipping the sweet drink. “Yes, because that makes sense.”  
  
Baekhyun huffed, going over to his cubicle to bring over his own office chair, sharing the few peaceful moments of the morning with him. “I know this sounds stupid to you, but I rarely date seriously. He’s more than someone to have sex with when I’m bored and maybe it won’t last forever but can you stop being a bitter single person and support me?” Sehun eyed his friend, a pit of guilt filling his stomach as he very slowly nodded. “Yes, sorry I didn’t know I was coming across that way.” Baekhyun nodded, smiling faintly. “I figured you didn’t, silly. That’s why I told you. Listen it’ll be so much fun, he’s so much fun. Swear it.” Sehun nodded, standing up to allow himself to clock in and start his mundane day.

  
        Memos, papers, shitty copy machines and too slow fax machines, run down computers, bad software, indecisive clients, etc. All in a day of work for Sehun as a salesman at an office supply company. He knew it would probably pass by quicker if he wasn’t staring at the clock simply waiting for the clock to strike five since his shift started at eight in the morning, but he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t like his job, and really who did, but time was going slower than normal it seemed. He filed his memos, filled out his paperwork and sold a substantial amount of product that would give him 35% commission for the course of the entire year today. He even dealt with the shitty copier machine without giving it a gentle rattle as a frustrated sigh left his mouth. Not today, but yet time seemed so slow.  
  
Lunch was spent at his desk since Baekhyun went out with his mystery boyfriend, he listened to the office gossip of Park Chanyeol, guy from I.T, and maybe the unbothered accountant Do Kyungsoo, being seen at Manggu’s last night being cuddly. Highly doubtful, those two are always at each other’s throats in a playful way but romantically it didn’t seem possible. What seemed possible was his manager Junmyeon and the HR rep Yixing being a thing but Sehun didn’t want to have input on the situations given the ‘professional’ environment. After lunch it was another few hours of time dragging it’s feet until finally the clock struck five and Baekhyun pounced on his back like a cat.  
  
“He’ll be meeting us there, he has to close up his dance studio. Isn’t that so cool? He owns a dance studio, said it was like a life long dream or something. Bought it two years ago and it’s the most popular place in Seoul.” Sehun nodded, thinking about Jongin and his dream to also own a dance studio. He remembers Jongin finding the perfect place for it on 6th and 29th avenue, a small space and Sehun didn’t see it happening but he quietly let Jongin dream. “It’s pretty cool how your boyfriend is more successful than you are.” Baekhyun elbowed him on the side, making Sehun very lightly swerve but nothing too detrimental. “You know that fried chicken place on Main?” Sehun tried to recall, nodding a little bit. “That’s where we’re eating?” Baekhyun nodded, smiling. “Because you like bubble tea and he likes fried chicken.” Jongin’s favorite was fried chicken, but Sehun nodded silently with a slightly tighter grip to the steering wheel.  
  
They got a booth, Sehun being against the window and planned to sit alone while Baekhyun excitedly looked to the door making scattered conversation with Sehun about politics, weather, war, stuff in America, how Sehun was doing and his family, etc. Sehun could tell the shorter male was nervous, rambling on and on with lots of hand motions until Baekhyun must have seen who he was looking for. He jumped up, making Sehun laughed as he uttered a cuss word from his knee hitting the table. “Baby! Here!” Baekhyun waved his arm, smile only curling into a grin that showed teeth. The man though was a man Sehun would never forget, even though he definitely tried some nights just to be able to wash himself from guilt.  
  
Bronze skin that was kissed by the sun, wide fond soft brown eyes, thick black hair that was parted to the left, broad chest that was adorned in a black deep v t-shirt and full thighs and pert ass hidden nicely in tight black skinny jeans. Biceps were toned as ever, lips still so full and so pink, jawline sharp and collarbones to match. Oh Sehun sat with his mouth agape from the sight of his ex he lost three years ago, standing now in front of him who just so happened to be dating Byun Baekhyun. No one other than Kim Jongin himself. A man Sehun only saw in his dreams or guilt ridden nightmares, maybe a few secret photographs he keeps stashed away in a shoe box in a closet. Their eyes met, Sehun could still read him like a book as emotions jumbled through his eyes so vividly until Jongin looked away, smiling at Baekhyun.  
  
“Sehun, Jongin, sorry I didn’t have you guys on like a first name basis or anything before I’m superstitious and I wanted this to go perfectly.” Baekhyun’s voice sounded louder in Sehun’s hearing than it did earlier, swallowing thickly he managed a smile onto his face. It wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault that he didn’t know about their past. Sehun and Baekhyun became best friends a year ago, and talking about Jongin seemed like a wound too fresh to reopen. Seems as if Jongin must have felt the same way. “No, it’s alright, we know each other anyway babe.” Jongin spoke quietly, kissing Baekhyun’s temples as Sehun stayed very concentrated on just Baekhyun’s face who was now wide eyed. “No way! How?” Sehun looked over to Jongin who was comfortable now. “We dated, for a few years, nothing big or anything. We both moved past that, right Sehun?”  
  
Jongin looked at Sehun now with a clear determination sparked in his eyes to make this all work with Baekhyun given the situation they were both put into. It made Sehun sting, it made Sehun sting because daily his heart had a gentle call for Jongin, guilt over how he treated Jongin, etc. But, a supportive best friend was who he was playing tonight, not the heartbroken ex with poor coping and moving forward skills. “Right.” Baekhyun smiled, leaning comfortably into Jongin as he hummed. “Well I feel so much better, I don’t have to make you both talk and get to know each other. How long has it been since you’ve both seen one another?” Sehun answered now, too quickly for his own liking thinking it made him sound like he was counting. Even though he was. “Three years.” Baekhyun giggled, eyes going wide again. “Wow, so maybe this is catch up time. Wow, you’re so welcome for bringing you back together.”  
  
Sehun chuckled, thankful by his best friend’s constant sarcastic humor that finally took away the tenseness of his body and made him become comfortable too. Sehun ordered a beer, not shocked when Baekhyun ordered one leaving Jongin the odd one out with a soda. He never drank, and even though there was bubble tea offered at this place he was going to need alcohol if he wanted to get through tonight. “So, what have you been up to Sehun?” Jongin asked in his careful voice, voice deep still and so smooth like honey. Jongin always spoke smoothly while Sehun thought as he spoke leaving to stutters or ‘uh’ or ‘like’ to fill in the gaps. “Selling stuff, bothering Baekhyun, not much. Heard you opened your dance studio, still thought Ballerino’s was a good name for it?” He saw Jongin pause, looking up at Sehun as he nodded.  
  
“You remember that?” Sehun nodded, smiling faintly. “You talked about it everyday, hard to not.” That made the table laugh, Sehun remembered it because he regrets not being as supportive of his ex’s dreams, but he didn’t want to say that out loud in front of Baekhyun. “Ballerino’s, that tiny space is mine. Love it, it’s so successful I have amazing teachers.” Baekhyun dipped his head back on Jongin’s shoulder, grinning with a dimple curved into his cheek. “Taemin is your most talented one next to Jimin.” Jongin rolled his eyes with a light giggle leaving his lips. “I remember you going in there and poking at Taemin asking if we were related or something. He said you were weird.” Baekhyun gasped in mock offense, shaking his head. “Taeminnie, how dare he.”  
  
Sehun watched as they interacted with their inside moments, just like he used to have the bronze man in front of him. “You are kind of weird Baek, remember that one time you tried to piss in public just because you didn’t want to walk in a porta potty?” Baekhyun went red while Jongin brought out a deep laugh, making Sehun grin because Jongin still had the most beautiful laugh.  “We decided we weren’t going to talk about that, like after it happened.” Jongin giggled, looking at Sehun. He looked at Sehun a beat too long for it to just be a friendly gaze, Sehun knew. It wasn’t made up in his mind since Jongin was like a book he always wanted to read and never put down. Subtly wasn’t ever a thing when it came to the both of them, their connection was loud and like wildfire, to the two of them at least.  
  
“Baekhyunnie, why didn’t you tell me about that?” Jongin asked cutely, it tugged at Sehun’s heart because he remembered a time that tone was saved for him. “Nothing says ‘I want you to jump my bones’ than ‘hey one time I pissed in public right next to a porta potty because I have a dick and I can use it.’.” Baekhyun pouted up at his boyfriend who was giggling nonstop, face turning pink with a shy nibble to his bottom lip. Sehun knew that habit was flustered, he missed that habit. “I would have laughed.” Sehun didn’t want to interject but his brain took over before he could process his words. “You laugh at everything, Nini.” Jongin stared at him like a foreign object, eyes unknown now as they seemed to process everything. “Maybe.” Baekhyun smiled over at Sehun, it was a warm one that felt comfortable. “He does, it’s endearing, so maybe you wouldn’t have laughed and that would’ve been the end.” Jongin playfully rolled his eyes, humming. “I always laugh at the jokes and funny stories you say.”  
  
Baekhyun’s nose gently nudged over Jongin’s, a chaste kiss was exchanged making Sehun tear his grip away harshly and sip at the beer that found it’s way to the table in the midst of their conversation. The liquid was tart with a tinge of sweetness that made him hum in pleasure, he didn’t mind, in fact it was more than welcomed. “That you do.” He heard Baekhyun say after a few moments, taking that as the cue to lift his head and see the two back to their original positions. He felt strange, sitting and wanting to talk to Jongin about everything, apologize, make things right for Baekhyun’s sake at least. “So, um, I gotta go but Jongin we should exchange numbers. We haven’t talked in a while and I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other plenty.”  
  
Jongin looked at him, his lips were parted and eyes were doe like in appearance for just a few seconds until snapping back into it, nodding. “Yeah okay.” The number exchange was relatively simple, Sehun smiled down at it to himself making sure the little curve in his lips was hidden. “Text me, bye Baekhyun, see you tomorrow at work.” Sehun walked out the bar, to his car, and sat in the traffic. He didn’t look at the cars, instead he stared blankly at the road ahead wondering where he would even start with Jongin. Wondering how he got in this place, how Baekhyun managed to take his first love, how Sehun was dumb enough to let Jongin go.

  
  
        “So now that we’re working with Japan, we’ll sell their products too.” Sehun droned back into the meeting with Baekhyun gently nudging his foot into Sehun’s ankle to get his attention. He looked down at the yellow notepad, seeing Baekhyun’s handwriting. ‘Did Jongin text?’ Sehun looked at Baekhyun with a nod.  
  
Surprisingly, Jongin did text. Jongin texted with a brief ‘hey’ to which Sehun responded with a greeting of his own. The conversation started with small talk, filling in spaces to avoid the question of when they could talk so they could get closure until Sehun asked to speak with him today during lunch. Something he wasn’t happy with, he’d much rather sit at his desk and watch Chanyeol make a fool of himself trying to get Kyungsoo to say something nice about him in public. ‘Meeting him for lunch to kind of talk.’ He scribbled, to which Baekhyun now wrote back neatly. ‘He told me there wasn’t much closure, best luck Sehun.’  
  
Sehun nodded, taking a soft breath to try to relax his nerves. In all honesty, he didn’t know where to start. Supposing he would be honest that would be a rough turn, probably would cry but Jongin needed to know the truth behind everything. Suppose he started rambling and apologizing and not say anything, there wouldn’t be closure. Or if he avoided the topic and just tried being friends with him there would really be no closure and life would proceed tense and awkward with timid dancing around one another. He knew being honest and apologizing was the way to go, but the way his stomach churned with uncomfortable nausea set him off, but he wasn’t backing out. If not for Jongin, for Baekhyun.

  
         He sat in the quiet restaurant, sipping at the water as he saw Jongin’s body run into the restaurant, looking around lost until he spotted Sehun. His hair was matted with sweat, exposed skin covered in a light sheen of sweat, he must have come from the dance studio judging by the attire he was adorned in. “Sorry, my lesson ran a little over.” he commented out of breath, taking a seat in the chair across Sehun, sipping the water in the other cup. “It’s okay, wasn’t here long.” Not a lie, maybe five minutes he had been waiting.  
  
“Sehun, I just want to jump right into this and get this over with.” Jongin started, setting the cup down as he looked down at his hands. “It makes me sad to see you.” Jongin said simply, but Sehun felt a thousand knives catapult at his chest. “Jongin, I owe you an explanation, apologies, everything in the world. But um, I want you to tell me what you want explained so I don’t waste your time.”  
  
Jongin looked at him, a little shocked if Sehun was reading him correctly. “Did you love me?” He asked, quietly, shyly, almost near broken. “So much, so much. You’re my first love.” Sehun said softly, smiling sadly. “I loved you more than words can ever express.” Jongin nodded, looking down. “You ran away from me, locked me out of your life, saw someone else on the side.” Sehun shook his head, very quickly. “I never cheated. I could have never cheated on you. That person was my drug dealer, I was heavily addicted to cocaine and I kept you out of that so you wouldn’t leave me. I acted like an addict, I didn’t love you the same and I thought I was hiding it fine and acting fine. You leaving made me realize I wasn’t the same because I wasn’t loving you right. I always told you that I’m doing everything right if you were by my side, and I wasn’t doing right. It took me three months after you left to go into rehab, change, and become the steady person I am now.”  
  
Jongin stared at him, eyes watering now as he let out a shaky exhale and placed his hands over his eyes. “You didn’t cheat on me?” Sehun shook his head, he so badly wanted to go over there and hold his face, kiss away those tears. “No, no I didn’t. I was so in love with you, I saw no one else but you.” Jongin slipped his hands away from his face, small tears falling down his cheeks. “For the longest time I thought that guy was your secret affair.” Sehun chuckled, shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry I didn’t explain all of this to you then. I’m sorry I pushed you out, I was just so scared you’d leave me and I ended up being worse than the drugs shoving you out. I shoved you out from the addiction.”  
  
Jongin sniffled quietly, smiling faintly with a nod. “You’re okay now?” Sehun nodded, hands holding up his head. “Perfectly okay.” Jongin hummed, staring at Sehun, he noticed the storming sea settled into a calm comfortable one that had gentle tranquil waves meeting the shores. “You’re forgiven.” Sehun grinned now, teeth showing and all. “Thank you, Jongin.” Jongin hummed once more while shrugging. “I missed you being around you know.” Sehun felt his heart skip a beat but he got it under control quickly. “I missed you too, now how in the hell did you meet Baekhyun?”  
  
Jongin let out a laugh like laughing was going out of style. “Um, I was at a bar and this stupid guy was trying to grope me and Baekhyun pretended to be my boyfriend. For the rest of the night I didn’t know his name, we acted all couply and gross until it ended out in a one night stand that turned into a day together the next. I got his name at the end of that day, since then it’s been pretty okay.” Sehun laughed at the story, thinking how classic it was for Baekhyun to do that and for Jongin to go along with spontaneity of it, anything to save him from overthinking. “How very both of you is that?” Jongin lightly kicked Sehun under the table, lips curled into a smile. “What about you? Seeing anybody?”  
  
Sehun shook his head with a little laugh escaping his throat. “Jongin please, don’t make me laugh.” Jongin giggled, leaning forward. “Not even Luhan?” Sehun quickly shook his head. “That’s my best friend behind Baekhyun, please. Besides he’s so not my type.” Sehun commented absentmindedly. “Wow since when did Oh Sehun have a type?” Sehun always had a type, tan, thick black hair, full lips, nice biceps, thick thighs, perky ass, or to sum it up Kim Jongin. “I’ve always had a type, thank you.” Jongin skeptically nodded, sipping the water through an ‘uh huh’. Sehun missed everything about Jongin, everything. He may not be able to reach over and kiss him anymore, but being his friend is better than no Jongin at all.

That was the thing, Sehun noticed. The craving of someone was so overwhelming and powerful that having them back in his life meant everything in the world to him. Said person wasn’t even back in the way Sehun would have originally preferred, but anything was better than the reality of Jongin being gone. Perhaps, that’s what love is. Perhaps love is wanting the person around so desperately it didn’t even matter the circumstance. The only downfall of love would be selfishness. He knew he would become selfish and want Jongin to himself. He wouldn’t ever act on it, no, he would want and crave more long after he forgot the feeling of Jongin being gone. It’s human nature to take advantage of what they have, to forget something in the past like a feeling. Even something as seemingly permanent as three years without Jongin. The feeling of having Jongin for five years easily consumed not having Jongin for three. Without a doubt, he’s noticed. It didn’t particularly seem to soak in, the reality of this moment was eventually not going to be enough for him. Sehun though already began to take advantage of what was re-gifted to him by feeling better than he had in years just by watching the dips and curves of Jongin’s smile and the dimple that rested snugly on his left cheek.  
 

        The rest of his day was normal, he’s noticed. Nothing really changed besides the fact that Jongin’s texts had more jokes than previously and they were actually talking to each other like the three year gap never happened. Well, that and the obvious fact that they’re not dating but Sehun decided not to focus on that right now. Baekhyun was still annoying as ever, the office seemed a little more full of life today but maybe that’s because Sehun felt more full of life. Who was to know.

Luhan came over for dinner, smiles and all as he boasted about his promotion until he saw the name on Sehun’s phone screen. “Jongin? As in Kim Jongin?” Sehun stopped chewing his pork bulgogi, nodding silently, muffling through a mouth full. “I meant to tell you about that. Jongin is dating Baekhyun.” Luhan furrowed his eyebrows, the confusion was clear since the wrinkle on his forehead pinched more so than usual. “That doesn’t sound right. Kim Jongin, your ex, dating Byun Baekhyun? They're polar opposites.” Sehun was dreading this conversation, the ‘my ex actually looks good with my best friend’ conversation.

“They click well.” He said faintly, he knew that was unconvincing as shit but that as the best he had to offer. “I know you still love him, I don’t understand why you proceed to hide things from me like we aren’t best friends.” Sehun smiled weakly, stabbing a piece of pork and shrugged. “I’ll take what I can get, and what I can get is him being here now.”

Luhan looked at him unsure, he knew Sehun was never okay with just taking a partial of the full gift. Sehun could barely cope with Jongin gone, now that Jongin was back and within arms reach but somehow a pedestal too far, it seemed like an impossible task. Sehun didn’t know that though, Luhan did. Luhan stared at Sehun, swallowing lightly. “Invite him over, Baekhyun too. Tomorrow night, I haven’t seen him.” Sehun smiled, easing up and going back into eating without knowing that Luhan wanted to see if Jongin was somewhat in the same boat, too.

 

        Sehun had his routine day, this time he had lunch with Baekhyun at work as the two talked about office gossip. Word is now that Chanyeol is definitely not seeing Kyungsoo, but rather someone else and Kyungsoo isn’t too happy about it. The news leaves Sehun rolling his eyes as he eats his sandwich, he never had a problem like that. Baekhyun and Jongin were thrilled for dinner, Jongin thrilled to see Luhan and Baekhyun (as always) enjoyed extra company.

Sehun had ordered food for this occasion since poisoning his guests wasn’t on his to do list and besides all that, he wanted them to talk and just like the food, not enjoy it to the point that food becomes the discussion of the dinner. He over thought that one, he knew it, but he wanted to have every aspect perfectly planned. He wanted Jongin to see Sehun was in good shape, he wanted the whole night to be perfect for Jongin. Luhan came over first, nothing shocking, but he put on a wide smile when Jongin and Baekhyun walked in, ignoring the squeeze in his chest at their interlocked hands.

“Just sit down wherever.” Sehun watched Jongin carefully, biting down on his bottom lip as Jongin looked around in awe or soft admiration for all the belongings Sehun had that marked who he was. “I like the place, Sehun.” Jongin’s tone was fond, sickeningly fond that it reminded him of the first time Jongin ever came over to his old apartment. The place was a wreck eight years ago, it was a small studio apartment with everything crammed against everything else, but Jongin was the first to like it and meant it when he said he liked it. Sehun knew Jongin was impressed, happy that Sehun kept his word when he said he was doing alright for himself.

“Thank you, Jongin.” Jongin let go of Baekhyun’s hand, much to Sehun’s relief whenever he stepped over to the fireplace, immediately grabbing the center photo of Sehun and his dogs from ten years ago. That was always Jongin’s favorite photo, therefore making it Sehun’s favorite photo. “You still have this photo?” Baekhyun walked over to Jongin, smiling down at it in Jongin’s hands but Sehun only saw tunnel vision. “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites.” His tunnel vision dissipated when Baekhyun spoke. “You look so young.”

Sehun smiled, looking over at Luhan who spoke now. “He keeps important things.” Sehun knew that was an innuendo, but if Jongin or Baekhyun caught onto that they didn’t show it. Jongin sat the frame down, fondness was tumbling in his eyes and for a moment Sehun saw his Jongin that was saved just for him until Jongin walked over to another photo and stared at it with giggles tumbling from his lips. “Is that from Zitao’s halloween party?” Sehun nodded, walking over with a grimace at his cheesy pirate costume. “Dark times.” Baekhyun though laughed, staring up at Sehun with plenty of humor dancing in his eyes. “Why couldn’t I have known you then?”

Sehun rolled his eyes, playfully shoving the shorter. “I already have Lu, I couldn’t possibly handle two pain in my asses.” Jongin and Sehun laughed at the quick and fake offended ‘hey!’ from the both of them. “Okay, let’s eat, I’m starving and I wanna catch up with Jongin.” Luhan said from behind, Sehun could easily hear the pout that was on his lips. They made their way to the dining room table, sitting down with beers already set out, drinking as they munched.  
  
“What have you been up to, Jonginnie?” Luhan spoke politely, natural doe like eyes fixated on Jongin with curiosity. “Dance studio, it’s mine! It’s really successful.” Luhan hummed, smiling around a bite of food, Sehun watched them both carefully. “I knew you would be able to do it.” Sehun could tell Luhan was trying to get a read on him, but for what reason he wouldn’t know.

The dinner passed quietly with a few spurts of loud conversation, but mainly it was quiet talk, nothing awkward and nothing uncomfortable forced in between. Sehun spent most of his meal staring at Jongin who was either fixated with his full attention on the food or laughing at something spoken over at the table. He was never much of a talker despite being a smooth talker, Jongin’s spontaneity and actions spoke for him.

“Hey, Sehun.” Jongin walked over to him, leaving Baekhyun and Luhan to wash the dishes. A small smile curled onto his full plump lips, making him giggle softly. “Yes?” Jongin nudged him lightly, making him scoot over to help Sehun dry the wet dishes he was currently washing. “I’m glad you’re doing better. I wouldn’t be opposed to hanging out more often, by the way. I know you’re scared to ask but seeing how you’re doing and stuff makes me think you’re okay.” Sehun tried to fight the smile that was on his face, truly he did, but his cheeks were starting to ache by how hard he smiled. “I would really like that.”

 

        Sehun has found that being Jongin’s friend is kind of like the beginnings of their time eight years ago but with less flirting. Less verbal flirting, more so. Sehun and Jongin still stared at each other, still exchanged soft looks and would flush prettily if they caught one another but there is a huge difference. Baekhyun and Jongin were an interesting couple, Sehun thinks. In many ways there were well suited, Baekhyun’s crazy antics and Jongin’s thrill seeking spontaneous manners were hand in hand, Baekhyun brought Jongin out of his shell while Jongin mellowed his shorter boyfriend out.

In many ways, they didn’t fit together like two seamless puzzle pieces. Like Jongin and Sehun did. Baekhyun was too extroverted, Jongin got social anxiety and that after this month of Sehun spectating he noticed that Baekhyun didn’t understand. Jongin was stubborn, Baekhyun wouldn’t admit faults because of his pride. Sehun either got one or the other calling them during a fight, they didn’t have huge blowouts but tonight seemed to be the exception as Sehun sat next to a teary eyed Jongin.

Sehun and Jongin didn’t have huge blow outs like that, they had small spats or disagreements, but never arguments that meant one leaving for a while until they calmed down. Sehun and Jongin fit like puzzle pieces, they both knew it. They complimented each other, allowing one another to be the best versions of themselves with encouragement until one started to lose their way. Even then, they’d do their best to reel them back, they’d love one another devotedly and unconditionally. Their relationship was pure and ethereal, they both knew it, but Sehun was sure he knew it more as he watched Jongin.

Jongin rubbed his eyes with watery eyes and a red tipped nose, dry lips and cheeks tear stained over the bronze color of his skin. “He’ll call, Nini. He always does.” Sehun said quietly, rubbing Jongin’s shoulder as Jongin let out a sigh and shook his head with a heavy sniffle. “I don’t even know what the hell we were fighting about anymore. We’ve only been dating for a month and a half or something, and all we do is fight half the time. We weren’t like that.” Jongin turned his head, small tears leaving his eyes and Sehun instinctively brushed his thumb against the wet cheeks. “We didn’t have a lot to fight about either.”

Sehun said carefully, he didn’t want to come to talking about his relationship and bringing his subconscious wants to his conscious. “Why do we?” Jongin asked quietly, scooting himself over to lean against Sehun’s chest, head resting on his shoulder. Sehun felt his heart skip a beat, back flashing with heat as he closed his eyes tightly to wish away the memories of them cuddling when they were together, and how nice Jongin’s warmth always felt. “You’re a new couple, two people with opposite personalities.”

The living room went silent. Sehun had been just Jongin’s friend now for a month and it was fine. Easy conversation, fun video game nights, FaceTime calls when they get bored, staying the night over at each other’s apartments for movie marathons or just because they’re best friends, etc. Sehun liked it, the line wasn’t blurred, but now as Jongin crawled into Sehun’s side and Sehun allowed Jongin to cuddle into him and his memories of them flooded. Sehun held him though, he realized he started to hold him like it would be the last. Jongin’s grip was tight, but Jongin always held him tight when he was sad.

“I missed this, you were my favorite cuddler, you know.” Jongin said quietly, making Sehun squeeze his eyes shut tightly to control his emotions. “I missed this too.” The silence stood thick in the room in Sehun’s mind since he was in a battle with himself to let go and accept the truth or to keep the walls of the dam up tight in shaky screws. The crook of  Sehun’s neck felt dry now, Jongin scoot into Sehun’s lap with a little whimper like sound of content. The dam fell, shaky screws getting overruled by large combustions of water pouring out into the barren desert below. Being friends wasn’t enough for Sehun, selfish desires of love conquered all as he sat there, thumb rubbing into Jongin’s side comfortingly.

Jongin still smelled like coconut shampoo and clean linen, Jongin still was warm and liked to keep the tip of his cold nose burrowed into the nestle of Sehun’s neck and shoulder. His fingers still held the ends of Sehun’s hair while his thumbs brushed along the nape of his neck, Jongin still hummed softly, still squirmed a little when  Sehun’s thumb would ghost over the ticklish spot on his side. Jongin was still the same Jongin he fell in love with then, Sehun knew he was always in love with Jongin and it was unconditional but he didn’t ever think his need to be selfish would overpower his friendship with both Baekhyun and Jongin. But, love is love, Sehun realized as his eyes suddenly felt wet. He loves Jongin, and just being his friend isn’t enough.

 

        Sehun started his day the next day with a heavy weight pressing hard onto his chest. He stopped having nightmares about Jongin a month ago, and he didn’t wake sweaty in a start from his dreams about Jongin since he no longer bathed in his guilt. He didn’t slam his hand down but rather gently turned it off, allowing himself to stare at the ceiling as his mind reminded him of his daily tasks. Get up, get ready, go to work, see his best friend who’s dating the boy he loves, hang out with the boy he loves after work, hang out with the boy he loves boyfriend and Chanyeol at a bar while boy he loves sees his brother.

His brain suddenly omitted names and made him realize things for how they are. He’s in love with his best friends boyfriend, but to be fair, it wasn’t like he was going to steal Jongin. No, his best friend deserved his shot at happiness that Sehun definitely ruined by having a drug addiction. But he shook his head, letting the weight on his chest stay put as he heaved himself from bed and proceeded to do his daily things. Except now, he felt like he was mourning the loss of his relationship as he did every day before Jongin came back as a friend into his life. He stared longingly at the toothbrush holder, remembering Jongin’s bold red one that sat in it’s placeholder. He looked at the towels and remembered when there were two and how whiny Jongin would get when Sehun by accident grabbed the wrong towel blindly while he was in the shower. It always entertained Sehun since Jongin liked his towels to be fluffy and dry when he showered, plus he always forgot he could just use Sehun’s.

Sehun skipped the coffee, he always drank it the way Jongin made it. Jongin hates coffee but he makes his in a way that makes coffee sweet and delicious, Sehun kept the recipe for safe keeping but today he decided to pass on it. Quietly, he drove to work and couldn’t find it in him to admire the lifestyles of others because he used to carpool with Jongin to his old office job. Jongin would always dance in the seat and talk to Sehun about anything beneath the sun. Sehun always listened with rapt attention, always would try to participate but sometimes he couldn’t keep up with the fast overthinking mind of his ex boyfriend.

At work, absolutely nothing reminded Sehun of Jongin and for that he was thankful. The sounds of copy machines and repetitive keyboard clicking combined with the ringing of phones, all that was too dull. Nothing bold yet soft, like Jongin. That is until Baekhyun strode in, on the phone with his boyfriend as he giggled softly and said a ‘no, you’re cute, sh Jongin.’ Sehun knew they would have made up, Baekhyun always called and Jongin always wanted things to fix. Sehun sat at his desk, willing his mind to not listen to Baekhyun but the happiness in the other’s voice is one he used to have. “I really am sorry for last night. I’ll cancel all my plans, and it’ll be just you and I tonight okay? A nice dinner and we’ll see that new Thor movie.” Jongin spoke happily into the phone, he was sure of it judging by Baekhyun’s grin. “Great, see you then baby.”

Sehun already spoke, “I’ll tell Chanyeol. We’ll replace you with Luhan.” Baekhyun scoffed, flipping his hair dramatically. “As if you could ever.” He weakly laughed, deciding now to be quiet and focus on his memos. He couldn’t find it in him to laugh, and apart of him was so angry with himself since he thought at least he wouldn’t be selfish. But there he sat, wishing Jongin was his again, like he did everyday for the past three years.  
 

        Luhan certainly had a lot to say to Chanyeol, oddly enough. Luhan barely spoke to new people but today he was a social butterfly. Chanyeol was one himself, but Sehun sat in stoic silence as his lips never seemed to leave the rim of a beer bottle. He was never one to really drink like this, especially after his rehab and care programs but now since his brain was berating himself with these types of thoughts it seemed only right to do. It wasn’t until his phone vibrated with a text from Jongin that Sehun removed his lips from the beer bottle.

‘Can we hang out tomorrow? It’s Saturday, we can do anything you want.’ A simple text that seemed to make Sehun’s heart rate increase. He found his fingers typing a yes before his brain could rationalize that maybe saying no to spending the entire day alone with the guy he loves who’s dating his best friend was a good idea. Not like it would matter anyway, he’d find himself saying yes anyhow. Jongin has a way of convincing Sehun to do absolutely anything, a power Jongin rarely took advantage of unless it was serious like going out to a pet store to pet dogs, or getting fried chicken. Both being super important priorities to Jongin.

“Earth to Oh Sehun, come in Sehun?” Luhan and Chanyeol waved their hands slowly back and forth in front of Sehun’s face. “Sorry, thinking.” Sehun replied shortly. Chanyeol snorted, drinking his beer, deep voice surrounding them. “That’s not a good idea.” Sehun slapped Chanyeol on the back of his head playfully while the other two cackled, leaving Sehun to roll his eyes. Sehun looked over at Chanyeol, humming in thought. “So, you and Kyungsoo, not a thing?” Sehun wanted to get the heat off him, desperately for that matter. “No, I’m just his friend. The office rumors are getting way out of hand.”

Luhan piped up at that, laughing quietly. “Please tell me the ones about Sehun.” Sehun raised his eyebrows in piqued interest at Chanyeol immediately laughing. “My favorite rumor is that Sehun is straight.” The whole table laughed, to the point they were teary eyed and a mess, perhaps Sehun needed this night out with them cause after that joke he didn’t think about Jongin at all.

 

        Sehun scrambled on a quarter sleeve peach shirt, fixing it for the neckline to rest comfortably on his chest. His fingers ran through his hair, head pulsating harshly in his head from his night out with Chanyeol and Luhan. Today was his day with Jongin though, a hangover wasn’t going to stop him from seeing Jongin. Nothing really ever did stop Sehun from having a good time with Jongin. He can recall the time he was sick with a stomach virus, it was just when Jongin and Sehun had starting dating so Sehun could say he was feeling fine and meet Jongin out. He looked bad that day, he knew it and wasn’t surprised when Jongin scolded him the entire way back to his apartment. Sehun thought it was worth it since Jongin spent the rest of the day with him, both exchanging beautiful soft smiles and little blushes with compliments here and there.

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts, he rushed over to the door to see Jongin in a cherry red shirt, hair dyed black, he looked vibrant and glowing, Sehun noticed a few things matured in him. The smile lines were a little more noticeable, his cheekbones were defined, his jawline was more sharp, the collarbones were sharper, chest broader and biceps more toned. He used to be lithe and petite, waist thin and now his waist was thin but strong. Sehun felt his mouth go dry but quickly recovered once Jongin waved. “Want to go? Are you feeling alright?”  
Sehun on the other hand, knew he looked like shit with a lesser glow to his milky skin tone, light rings beneath his eyes, lips dry but he nodded regardless. “Hung out with Chanyeol and Luhan, light hangover.” Jongin smiled, pulling Sehun out his apartment and allowed the broader shoulder male to lock it. “I have just the cure, you know.” Sehun turned around, eyebrow quirked. “Since when did you drink?” Jongin laughed, shaking his head as he lightly brushed his arm against Sehun’s. Sehun felt the warmth stay in that spot for a while. “I don’t, well I drink on certain occasions. Um, no, my friend Jongdae drinks and I found the cure.”

They got into Jongin’s car, it was a Hyundai Elantra that was very Jongin. Sleek, suave, elegant, bold and drove smooth. Sehun saw so many qualities of Jongin in it, even in the color. Black, Jongin would never be one to get a red car or blue, silver and white would be too wholesome, black suited him nicely. Sehun thought it was stupid that he could see how much a car choice reflected on Jongin but at the same time, he knew Jongin so well and loved every single part of him that it would make sense to him.

“Remember your super shitty Kia Optima?” Sehun spoke through a laugh, watching Jongin’s face curl upwards into a cringe. “Ugh, god, yes. That 2010 model was such a piece of shit. I can’t believe I drove that around for so long.” Sehun nudged him, making Jongin look at him through a smile. “Hey, we had great memories in that piece of shit thanks, like remember when we were going to the aquarium and we made a wrong turn and ended up at the beach. You had such a good time that day.” Sehun ended, feeling nostalgic as he hummed out softly, Jongin’s cheeks flushed as he held the steering wheel. “I liked that day so much, you know what my favorite day with you is?” Sehun looked over at Jongin, clearing his throat. “What?”

Jongin paused quietly, turning onto a street. “The day we moved in our apartment and we didn’t have any furniture besides our own, and we wanted our furniture to be both of us combined, so we like mix matched everything all together. We combined paint colors we thought that would look nice and we used one set of every piece of our belongings, all that. It was really ours and that was my favorite day with you.” Sehun felt his face heat trailing down the back of his neck. “That’s one of my top favorite days. My favorite day with you though was our third date where we went ice skating.” Jongin giggled loudly, shaking his head quickly. “Of course you would, you would love that day.”

They parked in front of a small hole in the wall restaurant, very Sehun of Jongin to like. Sehun liked small hole in the wall places, Jongin preferred chains, but Sehun figured after spending five years of his life with someone personalities are bound to merge. They both stared at each other, eyes dueling on what to say but their facial expressions were soft and fond, mouths didn’t have to talk. Quickly, their gazes broke and got out of the car going into the place that seemed to only have ten tables and a kitchen. Sehun liked it, it had plenty of character and the aromas of savory food filled his nostrils. The tables were all wooden and worn from wear, pictures on the wall were hung along with simple paint brush paintings that all seemed too beautiful and elegant for such a small cramped place. They sat in the middle, Jongin made a direct beeline to the table suggesting to Sehun that this was his favorite table.

“Jongin-ah!” A man called, his skin was creamy in tone, hair black and seemed friendly in appearance. “Hi Yixing hyung, this is Sehun. He needs donkkaseu.” Yixing nodded in understanding, jotting down the order. “I’m assuming you’ll want fried chicken?” Jongin nodded with a smile, Yixing gave a quick smile and walked back. Sehun looked at him for a moment, speaking softly. “You were always so polite, using your honorifics.” Jongin rolled his eyes, giggling softly. “I was taught traditionally, unlike your modern family.” Sehun’s turn to roll his eyes, shrugging. “You know my mom, never one for stupid stuff like that. How’s your family?” Jongin shrugged, tilting his head to the side. “My brother is okay, you remember Junmyeon right? He’s still the only one who talks to me after I came out. I stopped being upset about that though. They obviously don’t know what love is.”

Sehun nodded, frowning a little bit. “I’m glad you see it that way Jonginnie.” Jongin hummed, lightly nudging his foot against Sehun’s ankle. “You helped me get over that, so thank you.” Sehun nodded, speaking without thinking. “Anything for you, always. I meant it then and I mean it now.” Jongin stared up at Sehun, Sehun watched the way that Jongin’s cheeks flushed a light pink color, biting down on his bottom lip as he now looked over at a paintbrush painting Sehun was sure Jongin had seen many times before. “Same goes for you.” Sehun hummed now, leaning over and without even a thought, he brushed his thumb over his cheek. “You always looked pretty when you blushed.”

Jongin turned his head with a little squeak noise, shaking his head as he half heartedly slapped away Sehun’s thumb. “And I still think I look like a tomato.” The food came out now, making Sehun and Jongin lean back and both thank Yixing before Sehun stared down at a fried meat covered in a gravy and served with white steamed rice. “Nini, what is this?” Jongin pointed at the food, explaining smoothly. “Fried pork cutlet, gravy, rice. Trust me it’s the hangover cure.” Sehun nodded, reaching over for the fork and knife that was set next to his plate and cut into it, making sure to get an even amount of everything before shoveling the food into his mouth with a pleased little hum at the savory taste. It tasted wonderful, Jongin always had incredible taste in food and Sehun was incredibly picky. “It’s good.” He murmured, Sehun watched Jongin smile softly. “Good, now eat up, Sehun-ah.”

Sehun ate the meal quickly, on top of being hungover he was incredibly hungry so the food took away the hunger but the headache decreased. He hummed, setting the fork down on the plate to look at an anticipating Jongin. “It worked.” Jongin grinned, standing up now to go to the register. “I told you, come on, I have a whole day planned for us now that you’re hangover free.” Sehun got up and followed Jongin, standing behind he rested his chin on Jongin’s shoulder. “I thought we could do whatever I wanted.” Jongin turned his head over his shoulder, nose barely touching Sehun’s but the space felt so close that Jongin’s breath hit Sehun’s cheek. “Yes but once you see what I have planned, you’ll want to do this. Trust me please?” They were comfortable like this, comfortable with one another like they could easily slip back into a routine that was abandoned three years ago. They both knew it, their eyes said it as they stared into one another, but either way, they didn’t want to admit it vocally. Sehun couldn’t admit he loved Jongin still vocally, and Sehun knew Jongin couldn’t either. “I trust you with my life, Jongin.”

 

        Jongin took them to the boardwalk, and Sehun always adored the boardwalk. Sehun loved the boardwalk more than anything in the world, plenty of amusements, food, rides, plus they were beside a beach. The sea salt scented air, the sounds of people laughing, it all made Sehun happy but what made him the happiest was Jongin beside him with a smile on his face.

Their hands would brush against one another, fingers lightly dancing here and there but would be met with quick retractions and shy glances. It was all accidental, and it wouldn’t have been such a thing if they hadn’t dated and hadn’t been one another’s first loves, Jongin is loyal, and Sehun is a loyal friend to both Baekhyun and Jongin. Sehun and Jongin sat at a cafe table, looking around at the attractions as they hummed out quietly. “So, like my plan?” Jongin asked, Sehun didn’t even have to look over to see the smug look on Jongin’s face from being right. “I love your plan, yes you were right.” Jongin nudged Sehun, gathering his attention. “So now listen to me, and trust me, I have this whole day covered Oh Sehun.”

Jongin led Sehun to different game, their conversations were filled with remembering their past all while they made new memories now. Sehun stood behind Jongin at one point to teach him how to shoot a basket, Jongin won Sehun a stuffed animal, both decided that funnel cake was better to share, both even held hands on a ride since they were both scared when it went upside down, and maybe their hands lingered together for a few seconds too long for it to just be platonic.

Sehun had a good time, a better time than he had in a while but all the fun drained from his body the minute Jongin took him home and informed him he was going to Baekhyun’s for a movie date. Sehun wanted Jongin to stay, Sehun wanted to grab Jongin by the face and kiss him on his doorstep like he did once upon a time. But, Sehun knew Jongin wasn’t his anymore, even if their eyes said a different story when they looked at one another.

 

        The next two months, Saturday became Jongin and Sehun’s day. Their Saturdays were always spent out doing different things along with shy flirtatious gazes, flirty commentary, a little lingering affection here and there. Sehun was handling his feelings fine, so he thinks. He didn’t let them get out of hand and he would always retract before Jongin flinched to pull away. Mainly because Sehun couldn’t handle the hurt he would feel if Jongin pulled away first. They got closer though, close like they were dating but it was all platonic. A boyfriend without the rewards, Chanyeol told Sehun out of innocent spectating on a Saturday that Chanyeol wanted to come along to.

Unfortunately, Sehun laid sick on his couch while Jongin played with his hair. Jongin sighed quietly, twirling his fingers delicately through the strands. “You know Chanyeol hyung parties too hard for you, lightweight.” Sehun blinked groggily up at Jongin, who despite made a smart ass comment his face was drowned with worry. “Don’t look so worried.” Jongin sighed quietly, Sehun saw it in his eyes for the past three months that Jongin had things to say but fear must have been holding him back. Fear for the answers, that’s what Sehun was hoping, not fear of Sehun himself.

“I just don’t want your addiction to come back or something. I don’t know how this works.” Sehun sat up, scooting himself onto Jongin’s lap. “You know, I still read you like I used to. I could tell you were wanting to say something to me, ask me something.” Jongin nodded slowly, head bobbing mindlessly. “I can still read you too, you seem sad about something.” Sehun quickly shook his head, clearing his throat and leaning his head down on Jongin’s shoulder to fight the oncoming nausea. “This is about you, not me. Ask your questions.” Jongin ran his fingers along the dip of Sehun’s spine, Sehun always liked that and Sehun liked even more that Jongin remembered.

“What made you do cocaine?” Jongin asked bluntly, Sehun knew though on the inside he was shaking like a leaf. Sehun closed his eyes, in all honesty that answer never made sense but he knew it was true. “I was at a party, it was out there, and I liked how it made me feel more confident and better about myself. It gave me hope that my life wouldn’t be a dead end, that I wouldn’t be stuck in an office cubicle for the rest of my life.” Sehun opened his eyes, Jongin looking down at him and in his personal space, foreheads could rest against one another. “Did you think about me?” Sehun knew his cocaine usage was selfish, but he didn’t think that would hurt Jongin now. “I did, I knew you wouldn’t be happy about it. I loved you so much I tried to stop on my own but I couldn’t and that’s when I kept you out.”

Jongin lifted his head, fingers still against the middle of his back. “I could have helped you, you know.” Sehun heard the shake in Jongin’s voice. Sehun sat up, looking down at his fingers that were twirling around on his lap. “I was scared. Losing you is my biggest fear.” Fingers carefully lifted Sehun’s chin, making Sehun stare into the soft fond brown eyes in front of him. “Is? Still a present fear?” Sehun nodded. “You could leave at any moment, and you don’t understand what you mean to me.”

This was dangerous territory, Sehun’s brain was flashing alarms because despite everything going on within these past two months with the subtle casual flirting that they did (and Baekhyun did with everybody else enforcing its causality) Jongin is with Baekhyun, and Sehun is in love with a taken man. “What do I mean to you?” Jongin broke him from his panicked thoughts, not hard enough since panic seemed to literally run hot through Sehun’s veins.

“The universe, that’s what you mean to me.” Sehun and Jongin stared at one another, dams seemed to have broken on both sides since it was obvious in their soft fond gazes that they felt mutually the same. They didn’t have to speak it, nor did they want to vocally admit it aloud and disrupt the current peaceful world they lived in now. “I, I have to go.” Jongin said, breaking the contact as he shakily left Sehun sitting on the couch, he mumbled something about texting him, and in a few more seconds he was out the door. Gone, Sehun felt little hot tears falling down his face as he stared at the door.

 

        Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Jongin, and Sehun all sat in a cramped booth at a pub somewhere next to their job. Chanyeol sat next to Sehun, leaving the couple to sit next to one another. Sehun looked anywhere but Jongin, and from his vision it seemed like Jongin was doing the same. Sehun didn’t have much to say except jabs at Chanyeol, and that was okay since Sehun wasn’t much of a talker anyway. “You’re quiet, Nini.”

Baekhyun noted, Jongin though was much of a talker, Sehun knew something was off with Jongin but he didn’t want to find out what. “Sorry, little tired, my class wore me out.” He lied, Sehun knew he was lying because the tone of his voice was a little higher than normally. Chanyeol poked Sehun’s side, making Sehun turn his head over to the taller. “You wanna hang out after work?” Sehun nodded, he needed a getaway from Jongin. “Yeah, but we’re not doing any of your nerd shit.” Chanyeol huffed out a laugh, it was a good thing too since Baekhyun was cooing at his boyfriend’s lethargy. “We can see a movie, go for food. Stuff like that.” Sehun rolled his eyes, not noticing the other side of the booth going quiet. “Sounds like you’re wining and dining me, Park.” Chanyeol nudged Sehun, winking now. “Maybe one day.”

Sehun shook his head, gently booping Chanyeol’s nose. “I’m not your type.” Sehun finally looked over to the other side of the table. Baekhyun looked intrigued but Jongin looked like a lost puppy, Sehun imagines he must look like that on days when Baekhyun and Jongin are being beyond couply and intolerable. Sehun looked down, licking over his lips and resumed to his silence by now scrolling through his instagram feed.

 

        Baekhyun didn’t show for work, didn’t call in but their boss heard from him. Sehun on the other hand was getting no texts back so here he stood outside of Baekhyun’s door with a warm soup from their favorite restaurant and a few pastries stuffed into the bag. “Baek, open up, it’s Sehun.” He kicked the door in a replacement of a knock. No answer, Sehun kicked one more time with a whinier tone. “Come on, I brought you food, I’m worried about you.”  A few seconds later the door opened, Sehun was met with bloodshot eyes, red nose, tear stained cheeks. “Come in.”

Sehun stepped in, making his way over to the dining room table where Baekhyun sat himself down. He opened the soup bag silently while Sehun took a seat. “Baekhyun, what happened?” Baekhyun opened the soup container, looking over at Sehun. “We broke up.” Sehun felt his world shift, it wasn’t a bad shift but it was sad to see Baekhyun upset. “Why?” Baekhyun laughed dryly at that, rolling his eyes. “Do you think I don’t know, Sehun?” Sehun furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Know what?”

Baekhyun scoffed, sipping the soup. “You both are in love with one another, you didn’t even have to say it, it was just written all over your faces and, and we got into a fight about it. He said he’s still in love with you, and I broke up with him. So, why you’re still sitting here is beyond me.” Sehun pushed down the joy he had, he scoot over to Baekhyun. “I’m sorry, I’m still sitting here because you’re my best friend and I love you.” Baekhyun had a tear rolling down his face, a bitter tight smile. “I know you do, I know. That’s why you didn’t do anything during the time we were dating.” Baekhyun set the soup container down, wiping at his eyes with a deep sniffle. “But for the love of God, as your best friend, get him. Marry him. Have the life you were both meant to live.”

 

        Sehun stood on Jongin’s doorstep, his hands were shaking and his body was vibrating with riddled nerves that seemed to be constantly set on fire with every thought he had to knock on the door. Finally, something in him sparked as he stepped forward and let his knuckles hit the wood of the door. The wait felt like an eternity, but really it was only a few seconds until Jongin opened the door. “Sehun?” Sehun felt like his heart was tight, chest on fire. “Can I come inside?”

Jongin stepped aside, letting Sehun enter. He swallowed hard, he could hear his heart beating in his chest as he took a seat on the couch. Jongin sitting beside him. “How’re you feeling, after your break up?” Jongin shrugged, laughing quietly. “Indifferent, like I didn’t lose anything detrimental. A shitty thing to say but, I don’t know.” Sehun looked over to him, rubbing his nose. “You didn’t have strong feelings for him then.” Jongin shrugged, looking over to Sehun. “I question if I had feelings at all. I know I must have felt something but by the way I’m just sitting here, and not being sad over that… has to say something.” Sehun nodded, rubbing his hands. “What are you sad over, then?”

Sehun knew the answer, but he wanted someone to say something, he wanted it out there. “Um, nothing really.” Sehun took a deep breath, looking over at Jongin. “Is it because you love me?” Jongin whipped his head up fast, eyes wet in appearance, Sehun quickly followed up. “I’ve been sad, you said I look sad. I look sad because I love you, too.” Jongin and Sehun stared at one another, Sehun felt like it was another eternity until Jongin moved over to Sehun. Spontaneity meeting a willing subject, Sehun felt Jongin cup his face and he leaned into the soft hand. Jongin leaned down and pressed his lips to Sehun’s, and for a moment he felt like an angel being warmed into the lights of heaven. His fate and destiny, it was here, this where he belonged. Kissing Jongin, holding Jongin’s face, fingers tangling into the soft hair he’s been dreaming and wanting to hold onto now for three years and three months.

Their lips were slow, burning with desire, but they took their time to see how long the flame can sizzle and roll. The flame was rolling, burning beneath them as Sehun tasted the twinge of green tea on Jongin’s tongue, dancing in his mouth. Their tongues grazed against one another while Jongin’s full lips seemed to perfectly envelope Sehun’s, like they always did. They were two perfect puzzle pieces that were finding their way back to one another, their slow kiss with plenty of push and pull seemed to be the evidence of such.

Jongin’s lips barely pulled away to brush over Sehun’s, their lips fluttered soft kisses to their top and bottom lips. They always did that, they always loved it, and that was a detail Sehun didn’t know he missed until this moment as Jongin breathed out quietly from his nose to hit Sehun on the cheek. “I love you, Sehun. It will always be you.” Sehun pressed his lips hard back to Jongin’s, tongue licking over the full bottom lip he adores so much before pulling away before Jongin could kiss back. “I love you, Jongin. It’s always been you.”

 

**_Two years later_ **

 

        Sehun sat at the dining room table of his shared apartment with his fiance, hands laced proudly over the table while he admired the simple Tungsten wedding band. It was their engagement party, it wasn’t a big crowd. Baekhyun invited his boyfriend Chanyeol (no one saw that coming in the office, Sehun didn’t either but they compliment each other perfectly), Luhan came, Jongdae, and Yixing. Since Jongin said Yixing is an important part of his life by providing him quality food and Sehun can’t say no to his soon to be husband.

Sehun knew this was the life he was destined for, to be getting married to Kim Jongin, it didn’t matter that he worked in an office or that he was meant to be in business forever. It mattered to Sehun that Jongin was in his life, because his life was better with Jongin. Jongin made him a better person, and Sehun only hoped he made Jongin better too. And perhaps all that suffering of pining, wanting, wishing, self loathe was worth it. Now Jongin stared at him with stronger adoration than he ever had before, their relationship was stronger and fuller, better and sweeter. Their love was better than ever before.

“Hey, future Mr. Kim.” Jongin whispered into Sehun’s ear, making Sehun giggle softly. “Yes, Mr. Kim?” Jongin pecked Sehun’s lips with a little linger to it. “I love you.” Sehun felt his ears heat, cheeks go hot, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “And I love you.”

Baekhyun’s shrill voice interrupted the peace, holding up his champagne flute, smiling widely. “Let’s have a toast to the engaged couple, shall we?” Sehun looked over at Chanyeol who stood tall, raising his cups, making everyone else stand with stifled laughter and clinked their glasses together. “To Sehun and Jongin!” Everyone else took a drink but Jongin went in for a kiss, smiles evident in their kiss, and Sehun smiled and kissed back. “I love you, Jongin.” Sehun mumbled, nudging his nose against Jongin’s, whispering quietly. “I love you, Sehun.” Sehun thinks he can listen to those words forever.

**Author's Note:**

> ...THIS IS 18 PAGES. EIGHTEEN ! PAGES !  
>  so i hope u all liked it n stuff, i really liked my writing style here so. yes! wow a fic with plot, shooketh.


End file.
